Sarah's Life Guide

Growing up was not easy for me when it came to my family. I always felt like the odd one out and that no one wanted me around. The reason for this is because I was adopted. As an adopted child you have to face more and different kinds of battles in life. Here are some the battles I faced with as an adopted child. This may be a multiple post series.

Battle one: Rejection

This battle is something I faced growing up and still do from time to time as an adult. When I see this problem rear its ugly head I have to tell myself it is just Satan trying to get me down. Do I always get over it no, but I try to do better than the last time.  Here is an example of what I mean.
Growing up I was always the last person to picked for a team in P. E. That was hard for a child to understand that growing up. Also, when my family would have our family get togethers for Christmas or Thanksgiving I would get picked on by my cousins; what made it worse is when my Aunts and Uncles would start talking about what their kids were doing and my mom would say nothing about me.  As time goes on our family has moved in different ways. We don't see much of each other, but that does not mean I still feel bad when I here what great things they have done and I am sitting here like well I just got my GED after having three kids and married three different times. Oh, by the way did I tell you, all my kids have different dads. That is great accomplishments I just want to share with you to give you more ammo in your arsenal so you can use it against me for the future (sarcasm is implied here). As an adult now I face rejection but in a whole different way.

Example two,  I feel like I am the last to know of when something is going on in my family. (This is the main reason of this post). That is, any time there is something going on like an emergency or a death in the family I usually hear it from someone else. (This even means when my hubby went missing). As I write this post my uncle is on his death bed. I knew he had gone back to the hospital because he woke up and couldn't speak. So, off the the ER with him and found out it was a stroke. Later this week they took him off life support and have him on a morphine drip. I say all that to say this and that is most of that I was told by someone else and not my mom. This will be the third death in the family that I will not be there to say goodbye to before they pass. This is a hard thing to deal with when you are already dealing with this battle. It makes you feel like you are less than and you are not important.

The last example is that, I have felt this even at church with my church family and friends, and even with my mom. That is when they tell other people how they feel about you in a good way.  Example, I am proud of you or I really like Sarah in my Sunday school class. The latter was told by the Sunday School teacher to my then boyfriend now husband and not to my face. That made fell like well she is invisible and it really does not matter if she hears it or not. Or, when my mom will tell other people she is proud of me but won't tell me to my face same feelings. I know it is not that important to say to someones face but to hear it every once in a while would be nice. Also, when you teach this in a Sunday School class or to your kids then you need to practice what you preach.

However, this is all the work of the enemy who does not want me to happy or have a successful life. I know that with God I am able to go to him and pour my heart on him and he will hear me and give me the love and peace I need to get through this.

While writing this I have gotten an update on my uncle and he is not doing any better. When I typed that they put him on a morphine drip I was told that by my mom a few minutes ago and we think he will not make through the night.

The reason I wrote this post is to write out how I am feeling at this moment and to share a struggle I deal with in my life so that others can know that they are not alone no matter what they think.

I pray that this post will help you in your life and if you need prayer please contact me at sfuller1015@yahoo.com.