As a child growing up I remember my first funeral and that was my great grandma. I remember all the adults looking so sad because she had passed on to be with God. As a child I did not k of my great grandma so therefore I was unable to cry or even realize what is going on. I looked at them and wondered why are they crying? Later in life I realized why, but at the age of sixteen I still was like why.
At sixteen, I lost my grandpa. That was the first death I truly understood why people cry when someone does that is close to you. I remember the day as if it was yesterday. It was a cold November Monday morning and I did not know anything was wrong so my mother and I got up and got ready for the day. I was getting ready to go to school as I normally do. The day went on like normal, but little did I know that something was wrong with my grandpa.
As the school day came to an end I came home called my mom to let her know I was home, but (this part is fuzzy) I don't remember talking to my mom and if I did she did not sound like she was her normal self. So, I talked to my aunt Linda and she informed me that my mom was with my grandpa and grandma taking grandpa to the hospital. I thought to myself well OK that is fine grandpa was in and out of the hospital growing up so this was normal for me.
Later that night, as Linda came home she came to my house and so did my boyfriend and his mom so they could be there for me. I remember all of us sitting in the living room. I was on the couch with my boyfriend, his mom in the over sized chair ( where grandpa would sit on Sunday afternoons and watch football), Linda was sitting where the phone was. The phone rang it was my mom on the phone and she her that grandpa had died.
When I heard the news I wanted to run away and was about to. The reason, because he was the only father figure I had in my life. But my boyfriend got up and stopped me but if I had my way I would have ran and never looked back.
The day came where the funeral was going to happen and that day was a sad day. I did see all my family standing there and not greeting the people that had come to the funeral. So, in my mind I was like I am going to greet them. Little did I know I was supposed to be with them and sit with them. So, I sat with my boyfriend and his family. Then while in the car I mad a comment that should not have been made, but I was getting g tired of all the sadness and everyone being down I wanted happiness. But, no one was having that.
Happiness is what needs to be at a funeral. Yes, there is a time for you to be sad when you lose someone who love and we're close too. It is like a piece of you is missing. An example would be you losing your keys. You don't cry over losing your keys. Yes, you get mad and upset that they are lost, but when you find them you are happy.
We as Christians should be happy that our loved one was able to go home and be happy and free from this life that weighs us down and have attacks from Satan on a daily basis. When I found out that my uncle was not going to survive the stroke he had I was sad, but then it hit me to pray, "God, please take my uncle so that he does not how to suffer on this earth." That was a hard prayer to pray but then I was happy and not sad anymore. I know that sounds crazy but I was at peace with it. God is the only one to give us peace that goes beyond our comprehension. That will make anyone happy and stay calm in any situation.
Death can be a scary thing in life if you are not ready for it. Even if you are a Christian and know where you are going after this life. However, for many people they look at death as a happy time and celebrate their life. As an adult I am starting to see that death can be a happy time.
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Growing up was not easy for me when it came to my family. I always felt like the odd one out and that no one wanted me around. The reason for this is because I was adopted. As an adopted child you have to face more and different kinds of battles in life. Here are some the battles I faced with as an adopted child. This may be a multiple post series.
Battle one: Rejection
This battle is something I faced growing up and still do from time to time as an adult. When I see this problem rear its ugly head I have to tell myself it is just Satan trying to get me down. Do I always get over it no, but I try to do better than the last time. Here is an example of what I mean.
Growing up I was always the last person to picked for a team in P. E. That was hard for a child to understand that growing up. Also, when my family would have our family get togethers for Christmas or Thanksgiving I would get picked on by my cousins; what made it worse is when my Aunts and Uncles would start talking about what their kids were doing and my mom would say nothing about me. As time goes on our family has moved in different ways. We don't see much of each other, but that does not mean I still feel bad when I here what great things they have done and I am sitting here like well I just got my GED after having three kids and married three different times. Oh, by the way did I tell you, all my kids have different dads. That is great accomplishments I just want to share with you to give you more ammo in your arsenal so you can use it against me for the future (sarcasm is implied here). As an adult now I face rejection but in a whole different way.
Example two, I feel like I am the last to know of when something is going on in my family. (This is the main reason of this post). That is, any time there is something going on like an emergency or a death in the family I usually hear it from someone else. (This even means when my hubby went missing). As I write this post my uncle is on his death bed. I knew he had gone back to the hospital because he woke up and couldn't speak. So, off the the ER with him and found out it was a stroke. Later this week they took him off life support and have him on a morphine drip. I say all that to say this and that is most of that I was told by someone else and not my mom. This will be the third death in the family that I will not be there to say goodbye to before they pass. This is a hard thing to deal with when you are already dealing with this battle. It makes you feel like you are less than and you are not important.
The last example is that, I have felt this even at church with my church family and friends, and even with my mom. That is when they tell other people how they feel about you in a good way. Example, I am proud of you or I really like Sarah in my Sunday school class. The latter was told by the Sunday School teacher to my then boyfriend now husband and not to my face. That made fell like well she is invisible and it really does not matter if she hears it or not. Or, when my mom will tell other people she is proud of me but won't tell me to my face same feelings. I know it is not that important to say to someones face but to hear it every once in a while would be nice. Also, when you teach this in a Sunday School class or to your kids then you need to practice what you preach.
However, this is all the work of the enemy who does not want me to happy or have a successful life. I know that with God I am able to go to him and pour my heart on him and he will hear me and give me the love and peace I need to get through this.
While writing this I have gotten an update on my uncle and he is not doing any better. When I typed that they put him on a morphine drip I was told that by my mom a few minutes ago and we think he will not make through the night.
The reason I wrote this post is to write out how I am feeling at this moment and to share a struggle I deal with in my life so that others can know that they are not alone no matter what they think.
I pray that this post will help you in your life and if you need prayer please contact me at sfuller1015@yahoo.com.
Battle one: Rejection
This battle is something I faced growing up and still do from time to time as an adult. When I see this problem rear its ugly head I have to tell myself it is just Satan trying to get me down. Do I always get over it no, but I try to do better than the last time. Here is an example of what I mean.
Growing up I was always the last person to picked for a team in P. E. That was hard for a child to understand that growing up. Also, when my family would have our family get togethers for Christmas or Thanksgiving I would get picked on by my cousins; what made it worse is when my Aunts and Uncles would start talking about what their kids were doing and my mom would say nothing about me. As time goes on our family has moved in different ways. We don't see much of each other, but that does not mean I still feel bad when I here what great things they have done and I am sitting here like well I just got my GED after having three kids and married three different times. Oh, by the way did I tell you, all my kids have different dads. That is great accomplishments I just want to share with you to give you more ammo in your arsenal so you can use it against me for the future (sarcasm is implied here). As an adult now I face rejection but in a whole different way.
Example two, I feel like I am the last to know of when something is going on in my family. (This is the main reason of this post). That is, any time there is something going on like an emergency or a death in the family I usually hear it from someone else. (This even means when my hubby went missing). As I write this post my uncle is on his death bed. I knew he had gone back to the hospital because he woke up and couldn't speak. So, off the the ER with him and found out it was a stroke. Later this week they took him off life support and have him on a morphine drip. I say all that to say this and that is most of that I was told by someone else and not my mom. This will be the third death in the family that I will not be there to say goodbye to before they pass. This is a hard thing to deal with when you are already dealing with this battle. It makes you feel like you are less than and you are not important.
The last example is that, I have felt this even at church with my church family and friends, and even with my mom. That is when they tell other people how they feel about you in a good way. Example, I am proud of you or I really like Sarah in my Sunday school class. The latter was told by the Sunday School teacher to my then boyfriend now husband and not to my face. That made fell like well she is invisible and it really does not matter if she hears it or not. Or, when my mom will tell other people she is proud of me but won't tell me to my face same feelings. I know it is not that important to say to someones face but to hear it every once in a while would be nice. Also, when you teach this in a Sunday School class or to your kids then you need to practice what you preach.
However, this is all the work of the enemy who does not want me to happy or have a successful life. I know that with God I am able to go to him and pour my heart on him and he will hear me and give me the love and peace I need to get through this.
While writing this I have gotten an update on my uncle and he is not doing any better. When I typed that they put him on a morphine drip I was told that by my mom a few minutes ago and we think he will not make through the night.
The reason I wrote this post is to write out how I am feeling at this moment and to share a struggle I deal with in my life so that others can know that they are not alone no matter what they think.
I pray that this post will help you in your life and if you need prayer please contact me at sfuller1015@yahoo.com.
Category:
battle,
death,
family,
life,
love,
peace,
rejection,
Things to Think About
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