The day my hubby went missing. Or, was it the rapture?

The day my hubby went missing was a scary day for me. I thought in a million years I would never have to go through a missing persons scenario.  So, here is what happened.

It was a Tuesday morning and we both were up and around getting ready for the day. He was getting ready for his work day and I was getting ready for my day at the house. As he was getting ready to walk out the door I did not know that may be the last time I would see him. We were not having a good couple of days and so words were being said that should not be said. Something you should know we are newly weds and the honeymoon period is over. (This happens when you rush into a marriage, and when you both have had hurtful relationships in the past). Back to what i was saying. We were not having a good day and so he went to work and I stayed home. Well later that day I made dinner for him and then I get a text from my hubby saying,"I have to work late, love you." Well I did not pay no mind to the fact that he was working late as that is a normal thing with him.

The day went on and it was getting late so I went to bed left the dinner out texted him saying, "Dinner is out, please put it up when done or if there is left overs. Love you." I did not get a reply back. Well that is normal for him not to reply to text while at work more so if they are busy. The night when on and I woke up around and saw that he had not been home I still did not worry about it. I thought well they maybe are staying late at work to clean the restaurant and will be home when they are done. Back to bed I go.

Morning rolls around like it normally does like clock work, and still no hubby. That is when I started to get scared. I call my mom to talk to her to see what to do, But before I did that I thought to myself, "Did the rapture happen? Would I not hear the trumpet of God when the time is happening?" Then I thought, "I know I prayed last night to God so that if anything happens I would be with him. Wait, I would have heard the trumpet even the unbeliever would hear the trumpet."  That is when I called my mom and told me to call the police and that is when I realized how people who have loved ones go missing feel. When you have a loved one go missing you have many feelings go through you. Examples would be

  1. Anger (why did he not call me or does he not have the common courtesy to call me.)

  2. Fear that something bad did happen to him

  3. Worry

I think these are the three main feelings that are going through a persons mind during this time. Also, during this time I have called my minister's wife to see if she had heard any thing and she was like no I have not but I will call other members of the body to see if they have. I was like Okay. Later we come to find out that he was at his boss's house because he had become sick. I was like could you not call me. What did I do that was so bad that you could not answer your phone or you did not want to come home. I found out that his boss told him to call me and hubby said to him, "I will deal with it in the morning." When I heard that I went through the roof and was like who do you think I am that you can just blow me off like that. I also was hurting at this time as well.

After the day went on and I had time to calm down and not make the situation worse as I have a tendency to do; we talked about it. We came to the agreement that he need to call me or text me if and when he is going to be late and we are getting on better ground with prayers and with the help of other members of the body of Christ.


As a child growing up I remember my first funeral and that was my great grandma. I remember all the adults looking so sad because she had passed on to be with God.  As a child I did not k of my great grandma so therefore I was unable to cry or even realize what is going on. I looked at them and wondered why are they crying? Later in life I realized why, but at the age of sixteen I still was like why.

At sixteen, I lost my grandpa. That was the first death I truly understood why people cry when someone does that is close to you. I remember the day as if it was yesterday. It was a cold November Monday morning and I did not know anything was wrong so my mother and I got up and got ready for the day. I was getting ready to go to school as I normally do. The day went on like normal, but little did I know that something was wrong with my grandpa.

As the school day came to an end I came home called my mom to let her know I was home, but (this part is fuzzy)  I don't remember talking to my mom and if I did she did not sound like she was her normal self. So, I talked to my aunt Linda and she informed me that my mom was with my grandpa and grandma taking grandpa to the hospital. I thought to myself well OK that is fine grandpa was in and out of the hospital growing up so this was normal for me. 
Later that night, as Linda came home she came to my house and so did my boyfriend and his mom so they could be there for me.  I remember all of us sitting in the living room. I was on the couch with my boyfriend, his mom in the over sized chair ( where grandpa would sit on Sunday afternoons and watch football), Linda was sitting where the phone was. The phone rang it was my mom on the phone and she her that grandpa had died.
When I heard the news I wanted to run away and was about to. The reason, because he was the only father figure I had in my life. But my boyfriend got up and stopped me but if I had my way I would have ran and never looked back.

The day came where the funeral was going to happen and that day was a sad day. I did see all my family standing there and not greeting the people that had come to the funeral. So, in my mind I was like I am going to greet them. Little did I know I was supposed to be with them and sit with them. So,  I sat with my boyfriend and his family. Then while in the car I mad a comment that should not have been made, but I was getting g tired of all the sadness and everyone being down I wanted happiness. But, no one was having that.

Happiness is what needs to be at a funeral. Yes, there is a time for you to be sad when you lose someone who love and we're close too. It is like a piece of you is missing. An example would be you losing your keys. You don't cry over losing your keys. Yes, you get mad and upset that they are lost, but when you find them you are happy.

We as Christians should be happy that our loved one was able to go home and be happy and free from this life that weighs us down and have attacks from Satan on a daily basis. When I found out that my uncle was not going to survive the stroke he had I was sad, but then it hit me to pray, "God, please take my uncle so that he does not how to suffer on this earth." That was a hard prayer to pray but then I was happy and not sad anymore. I know that sounds crazy but I was at peace with it. God is the only one to give us peace that goes beyond our comprehension. That will make anyone happy and stay calm in any situation.

Death can be a scary thing in life if you are not ready for it. Even if you are a Christian and know where you are going after this life. However, for many people they look at death as a happy time and celebrate their life. As an adult I am starting to see that death can be a happy time.

Hope is a Lighthouse

Hope is a Lighthouse

Do you do you actually use God as the light house in your life? I hope (earthly hope, prayerful, wishful thinking kind of hope) this slide show will help you understand the difference between the two and see how God and guide you in this life.

You say you love me.....

You say you love me, but do you mean it? When I am at home sick and not at church, do you call me or text me to see if I am OK?

You say you love me, but do you mean it? When you have not heard from me in a while, do you come by and see me?

You say you love me, but do you mean it? Do you go out of your way to check on people that you have not seen or heard from in a while?

You say you are a Christian, but do you do what Jesus would do?
Do you go out of your way to help the homeless by feeding him? Or, by clothing him?

You say you are a Christian, but do you show it?
Do you gout of your way to check on the single mom or women that does not have a car or a job?
Do see if there is a way you can bless them in their time of need?

You say you are a Christian, but do show it?

You say you love me like Christ loves me but do you really?

My family

Growing up was not easy for me when it came to my family. I always felt like the odd one out and that no one wanted me around. The reason for this is because I was adopted. As an adopted child you have to face more and different kinds of battles in life. Here are some the battles I faced with as an adopted child. This may be a multiple post series.

Battle one: Rejection

This battle is something I faced growing up and still do from time to time as an adult. When I see this problem rear its ugly head I have to tell myself it is just Satan trying to get me down. Do I always get over it no, but I try to do better than the last time.  Here is an example of what I mean.
Growing up I was always the last person to picked for a team in P. E. That was hard for a child to understand that growing up. Also, when my family would have our family get togethers for Christmas or Thanksgiving I would get picked on by my cousins; what made it worse is when my Aunts and Uncles would start talking about what their kids were doing and my mom would say nothing about me.  As time goes on our family has moved in different ways. We don't see much of each other, but that does not mean I still feel bad when I here what great things they have done and I am sitting here like well I just got my GED after having three kids and married three different times. Oh, by the way did I tell you, all my kids have different dads. That is great accomplishments I just want to share with you to give you more ammo in your arsenal so you can use it against me for the future (sarcasm is implied here). As an adult now I face rejection but in a whole different way.

Example two,  I feel like I am the last to know of when something is going on in my family. (This is the main reason of this post). That is, any time there is something going on like an emergency or a death in the family I usually hear it from someone else. (This even means when my hubby went missing). As I write this post my uncle is on his death bed. I knew he had gone back to the hospital because he woke up and couldn't speak. So, off the the ER with him and found out it was a stroke. Later this week they took him off life support and have him on a morphine drip. I say all that to say this and that is most of that I was told by someone else and not my mom. This will be the third death in the family that I will not be there to say goodbye to before they pass. This is a hard thing to deal with when you are already dealing with this battle. It makes you feel like you are less than and you are not important.

The last example is that, I have felt this even at church with my church family and friends, and even with my mom. That is when they tell other people how they feel about you in a good way.  Example, I am proud of you or I really like Sarah in my Sunday school class. The latter was told by the Sunday School teacher to my then boyfriend now husband and not to my face. That made fell like well she is invisible and it really does not matter if she hears it or not. Or, when my mom will tell other people she is proud of me but won't tell me to my face same feelings. I know it is not that important to say to someones face but to hear it every once in a while would be nice. Also, when you teach this in a Sunday School class or to your kids then you need to practice what you preach.

However, this is all the work of the enemy who does not want me to happy or have a successful life. I know that with God I am able to go to him and pour my heart on him and he will hear me and give me the love and peace I need to get through this.

While writing this I have gotten an update on my uncle and he is not doing any better. When I typed that they put him on a morphine drip I was told that by my mom a few minutes ago and we think he will not make through the night.

The reason I wrote this post is to write out how I am feeling at this moment and to share a struggle I deal with in my life so that others can know that they are not alone no matter what they think.

I pray that this post will help you in your life and if you need prayer please contact me at

Overcoming the Past

Overcoming the Past 

 So, I know that this will be a weird first post, but this is what this site is for. It is for me to post what I am going through or have gone through to help you with your issues. I am just a person who loves God with all her heart and want to help and see people through their problems and achieve victory. This topic is about getting over your past. 
When I say past it could be 5 minutes ago or 30 years ago. Every second that goes by is in the past. This post happened on June 28, 2013. I really do not understand sometimes why people want to hurt people. Or say that when they are going through something and come to me or someone else for help and when I tell them that I have been there or in a similar situation; they just want to say “No you have not, you will never understand.”I will say this I may not have been in the same shoes you have, but I can tell you that I have faced some of the same things you have and I am here to help you and let you know that I do understand and that I have been there. As I sit here writing this post I am thinking of how my Lord and Savior has given me peace, love, joy, and comfort. I am a child of God and if I had not had him to help me through my problems I could not be here writing this.
 I talked to a friend of mine tonight and she was like you do not understand what I am going through. I told her, "Yes I do."  If I do not know what you are going through then I will tell you I do not understand, but I will lead you to God who wants to help you with your problem. All I can say to all this is that she is hurting right now and I did feel bad for not understanding 100% of what she is going through, but I told her to seek God and pray and try it for a week, after a week if your life does not change then go back to the way things are and forget all that I told you. I can promise you that your life will change if you give God a chance. I also told her that she need to forgive and break the soul ties and that God would heal her. I also told her that I could see the hurt and anger she has and that she needs to let it go. But she asked me “How do you see that?” I told her that I could discern the spirit on her because I used to be bound by it and once I overcame that spirit I was able to see and help others. Then I was told to stop seeing these things and I told her I could not stop it because of the Holy Spirit who lives in me.
 My friends, I said all this to say that the God who created you and the Earth does not want you to hurt and wants you to help you overcome anything you are facing. He wants to make a river in the dry places (see Isaiah 43:18-19). God does not want us to look at the past or dwell in it. So I ask you please if you think you are a victim you are a VICTOR, and if you suffered the my dear friend you are a SURVIVOR. I will tell you this that with God ALL things are possible (Philippians 4:13) no matter how big or small.

My Life as a Fairy Tale

My Life as a Fairy Tale
A Short Story

Once upon a time there was a girl who grew up in a very living home, and in this home the parent took the child to church every time the door were open. Well one day this girl meet this guy she wanted to date, but the mother who was being a mother said, “No, you cannot date him because he has a bad past.” So days went into weeks of arguing with the parent to date him, until one day the daughter said something to make her point that the parent was wrong. So she started to become friends with this guy well one day the guy had a best friend that he started to bring to church.

On one particular day the best friend asked if he could date me, well of course the parent wanted to say no, but the parent told him he could but he is not to hurt her princess in any way or she will have his head in a plate, so the boy said, “OK.” Well one day when the boy had ask the and the princess if she wanted to try sex (well not to be rejected by people) the princess was a people pleaser said, “yes.” Well that was fine for the first time. But there came a day in the kingdom that the mother had to go out-of-town and the boy came over he asked if we could have sex and I told him no but the boy being a boy went ahead and did what he wanted and the girl became pregnant. The princess was scared of the mother and did not want to tell her but she had to.

So one day the princess had a fight and the fight was about a break up and the princess was sad and upset so she went to church and told the mother about it and the mother said it would be OK. The princess said, “No, it won’t I lost my virginity to him,” and the mother about lost her mind. The saving grace the princess had was that she was a church. After church the mother, the princess and the friend who was now living with the family and became like a big brother to the princess said, "Instead of wondering if she is pregnant I am going to go get a test so he got a test and she took it and it was true that she was with child. The mother not being happy was angry and held the princess at arm’s length away for four months because she did not know what to do. So the princess gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

The princess loved that baby, but one day the princess though she was grown and moved in with a guy when she moved out of the house she left the six month old baby she wanted to take the baby but the mother did not want that and that as well became a another fight. Time went on and the princess became with child again but this time she married the father of the child and that was the wrong thing to do. The princess was abused in that marriage in many ways. So they got a divorce and the princess had to give up the son she loved so deeply. Well time went on and the princess meet another boy and they had a few to drink and they had sex and she became with child the third time well this time the princess knew that this child was not hers and she needed to find another family for it so she did and the family she picked out was the perfect fit for everyone. And everyone lived happily ever after except the princess she is still trying to find her Prince Charming.


This is for everyone who is going through something, or you say “How can I believe in a God when there is so much hurt and violence out there?” My Dear Friends, Let me start with this. God does not want us to suffer, hurt or even have violence, but we do. It all comes from Satan the Father of lies and he is here to steal, kill and destroy everything and everyone. ( John 10:10). So this tells you that people hurt people and not God hurting us. God allows us to go through things so that we can help people get through what they are going through. God does allow Satan to shake our world so that we can rely on God. A good example of this is Job in the Old Testament in the Bible. God let Satan shake his world to the point where we all would have died or give up on God. But I will tell you this that God does not want the hurt and pain we go through. It is possible to believe in a God even though there is a lot of pain and heartache out there. When the storm is around you and you think you are going to drown or sink to the bottom just look up to the horizon and stretch you hands up ward and let God pull you up and rest in his care and love. In the Bible it says “suffer not my little children.” ( Matthew 19:13). So that means for you and I that humans cause the suffering we have on Earth, but thank goodness we have a Heavenly Farther that loves us and has been through what we have been through. This is my thoughts and verses that have helped me and I pray that this helps you. Your Friend and Sister in Christ, Sarah

How I felt

This post you are about to read is my feeling and thoughts when I entered the woman’s shelter in Midland Texas. My advocate asked us to use different words of feeling that were on a sheet of paper to express how we felt. Sunday July 21, 2012 I came into the shelter on Sunday July 21, 2012. I arrived by Greyhound Bus and entered into the shelter to start my NEW life free and single from everything that was or could hold me back. When I entered the shelter I was agitated at the staff, because the night shift because they said they did not have me on file. I don’t like being told that I am not on file for the reason it made me feel like I was being rejected. Before that I felt annoyed at my family because they did not take me to the bus station. I had to have my abuser take me. I also felt drained from being on the bus for more than six hours and before that I spent almost the day with my abuser. The next part is how I feel after being here a week. Wednesday August 1, 2012 How I feel today. Today I feel victorious, because I am on a new journey and a new life for myself. On this new victorious journey I feel accepted and not rejected. I am at a place and town where I know people and do not have to worry about the rejection. I have people who really want to help me. I also feel grateful for having a place to live, and friends to support me. I feel excited, because I cannot wait to see what is in store for my life when I go to school and grow in my life as a person. I feel hopeful about my future and what I am going to experience on this journey. The last thing I feel is adventurous, because I have started a new chapter in my life.

If it is not broke, then don't fix it.

So, why fix me? Do I have emotional stuff to work out? Yes! But we all do. None of us are perfect. So, my thing is how are broken people supposed to help other broken people. I do however do know that we can help people with things that we have already been through. I know that God is the one who heals, delivers, sets free, and makes us feel whole. I guess I am getting at is I do not like feeling obligated. We as Christians are not  obligated to do anything if we don’t want too. But lets put it this way; Jesus did not have to die on the cross to save us but he did it because he loves us. We should not do things we don’t want to but do them because we love each other and want to see each other grow and be stronger in Christ. So, as I am writing this out I have come to the conclusion that it was the enemy coming against me making me feel confused and doubting all this. One last thing I will say is that I am kind of scared to take this step, but I know that it is necessary if I am to continue this ministry and help people that I come across in my life.

Where do I Belong edited September 27, 2016

I was having a conversation with a couple of my friends and we were talking about how we all have a place to fit in. Like the African Americans may not like their past and how they got here and were treated, but they have an idea who what and where they belong so to speak. But I was telling them that if you are adopted it is hard to find where you belong or where you come from. And the both agreed with that. It is so hard to find where I fit in. And when you think you fit in somewhere you don’t. As a Christian I know that I belong to God and his Kingdom, but there are days that I do not always feel that I fit in there as well. This post is going to be a mix of my feelings and what I believe that the bible says. I will say this that it is so hard to truly find where I fit in. There are days that I think I fit in the Kingdom and other days I feel that I do not belong anywhere. I know that I was adopted and with that it is so hard to find who you are as a person and what your family history is. There are days that I wish I was another race or a different person, because they have a history to look back on and know their heritage. I know that when I was growing up I would always think what would have happen if I was with a different family, or with a different family in a different country. If that was the case would I have fit in? I may never know that answer, but I do know that I am a grown up and still deal with this. I do think to myself that I will never fit in any where and when I think this I also ask God why did you make me this way and what is the porpuse of making me this way. To this day I still do not know the answer and when I try to talk to people about how I am feeling it is like they do not understand me and it makes me lost even more. Growing up was not easy for me. Did not have that many friends and really never bonded with my parents that adopted me. Mom and Dad divorced and that is a huge rejection. And then getting picked on in school daily was not easy. And all that makes it hard to have a relationships of any kind. I will say it makes you stronger and very independent and very hard to let people help you and when you do let them that makes you dependent on that and trying to break that is hard. This day that I am writing this post I am still figuring out where I belong and fit in. I still face rejection daily and keep praying to God to help me with all this. There are some things I have overcome and somethings I am still working on, but that does not mean I cannot help others with things in life. So, where do I fit in or belong I know that I do not belong or fit with my family that adopted me because I never met up to their expectations they had for me. I was never popular in school like my mother was. Nor was I was into sports like my Uncle and cousins. If you came over to the house when I was young you would find me in my room on the computer or on video games and rarely out in the living room with my mom. Would get yelled at or scolded if I would argue with my mom by my uncle saying, “Why are you biting the hand that is feeding you?” All I can say or think at that time is who are you to be getting on to me you are not my father. But as I gotten older, and sit here and think, if I cannot be myself with my mom or family then who can I be myself. I will tell you this I feel that I have to put a mask on from time to time to make people happy. We should not have to put on masks, nor try to make others happy. We as Christians are to make only one person happy and that is God. Galatians 1:10-11 says, "10) For am I now seeking the approval of man or of God? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. 11) For I would have you know, brothers, that the gospel that was preached by me is not man's gospel." This means that we do not seek approval from anyone but God. As I heard that today (September 27, 2016) it made me realize that I need to do whatever needs to be done to get God's approval and not my mom's or anyone elses.
I know that this post has been allover the place, but sometimes there are things that fit what I am posting and other times there are thoughts that need to put out and let you know who I am and a little bit of my background.

What do you see when you look at me?


Disclaimer: This piece of work is meant to be seen through the eyes of someone who has been abused, beat down and cast aside. This was written during a time I was thinking of my past and how I was someones toy or Barbie Doll they could dress up and put on a shelf when done playing.  

This is not a question that requires an answer. It is question that requires you to think about how you view people. There will be a post in the future that talks about do you know what that person or child is going through when it comes to bullying. So, please do not email me and tell me what you think of me because that is not the point of this post. 

What do you see when you look at me?



What do you see when you look at me?  Do you see a Barbie doll that you can take off the shelf and play with when you want something to do?  Or, do you see a porcelain doll that is broken and put together with glue and pieces missing.  Do you see a Limited Edition that has a heart, a mind, and emotions.  What do you see when you look at me?

What do you see when you look at me?  If you look at me and think that I am a Barbie doll that you can take down and play with when you want to is not the right thing to do.  I am not a doll that you can dress up and tell what she should and should not wear or act.   I am not a toy that you can use a few times and then put back on the shelf to forget that you have it, when you are cleaning out your room.  I am a real person.

What do you see when you see me?  Do you see me as a porcelain doll that has been broken and il_570xN.267570411glued back together with missing pieces.  When you look at me I have been shattered and  I am missing pieces. I have been abused and hurt over the years.  I have missing pieces, but I am slowly being put back together by God Almighty.  When you look at me I may have pieces missing, in my heart and in mind.  The pieces missing are from the people in the past who have hurt me.  People who have told me, "You are not good enough" or, "You will never amount to anything." I am missing the piece of self-confidence and that I am worth more than gold.  There is only one who can fill the holes in life is God.  I am a human being.

What do you see when you look at me?  Do you see me as a Limited Edition that you can only look at but cannot touch, because you do not want to break her.  I am a Limited Edition but I am the type of Limited Edition that you can take off the shelf, but do not use me like a Barbie doll.  I am a real person that when you say hurtful things it hurts me.  I am a real person that when you are angry and throw a punch at me I will bruise and bleed.  I am a real person that when you look at another woman and say, "She is pretty" makes me feel that I am not good enough.  I am a human being.

What do you see when you see me?  Do you see a human being or do you see a doll that you can take down when you want to play.  Or, do you see a broken doll who is put back together and missing pieces.  Or, a Limited Edition that is a human being that has feelings and is one of a kind. What do you see when you look at me?

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