Where do I Belong edited September 27, 2016

I was having a conversation with a couple of my friends and we were talking about how we all have a place to fit in. Like the African Americans may not like their past and how they got here and were treated, but they have an idea who what and where they belong so to speak. But I was telling them that if you are adopted it is hard to find where you belong or where you come from. And the both agreed with that. It is so hard to find where I fit in. And when you think you fit in somewhere you don’t. As a Christian I know that I belong to God and his Kingdom, but there are days that I do not always feel that I fit in there as well. This post is going to be a mix of my feelings and what I believe that the bible says. I will say this that it is so hard to truly find where I fit in. There are days that I think I fit in the Kingdom and other days I feel that I do not belong anywhere. I know that I was adopted and with that it is so hard to find who you are as a person and what your family history is. There are days that I wish I was another race or a different person, because they have a history to look back on and know their heritage. I know that when I was growing up I would always think what would have happen if I was with a different family, or with a different family in a different country. If that was the case would I have fit in? I may never know that answer, but I do know that I am a grown up and still deal with this. I do think to myself that I will never fit in any where and when I think this I also ask God why did you make me this way and what is the porpuse of making me this way. To this day I still do not know the answer and when I try to talk to people about how I am feeling it is like they do not understand me and it makes me lost even more. Growing up was not easy for me. Did not have that many friends and really never bonded with my parents that adopted me. Mom and Dad divorced and that is a huge rejection. And then getting picked on in school daily was not easy. And all that makes it hard to have a relationships of any kind. I will say it makes you stronger and very independent and very hard to let people help you and when you do let them that makes you dependent on that and trying to break that is hard. This day that I am writing this post I am still figuring out where I belong and fit in. I still face rejection daily and keep praying to God to help me with all this. There are some things I have overcome and somethings I am still working on, but that does not mean I cannot help others with things in life. So, where do I fit in or belong I know that I do not belong or fit with my family that adopted me because I never met up to their expectations they had for me. I was never popular in school like my mother was. Nor was I was into sports like my Uncle and cousins. If you came over to the house when I was young you would find me in my room on the computer or on video games and rarely out in the living room with my mom. Would get yelled at or scolded if I would argue with my mom by my uncle saying, “Why are you biting the hand that is feeding you?” All I can say or think at that time is who are you to be getting on to me you are not my father. But as I gotten older, and sit here and think, if I cannot be myself with my mom or family then who can I be myself. I will tell you this I feel that I have to put a mask on from time to time to make people happy. We should not have to put on masks, nor try to make others happy. We as Christians are to make only one person happy and that is God. Galatians 1:10-11 says, "10) For am I now seeking the approval of man or of God? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. 11) For I would have you know, brothers, that the gospel that was preached by me is not man's gospel." This means that we do not seek approval from anyone but God. As I heard that today (September 27, 2016) it made me realize that I need to do whatever needs to be done to get God's approval and not my mom's or anyone elses.
I know that this post has been allover the place, but sometimes there are things that fit what I am posting and other times there are thoughts that need to put out and let you know who I am and a little bit of my background.


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